regression

lately sometimes i feel like i might go back,
back to the days of snow,
always being cold,
shivering,
being out in the distance,
alone,
in a sea of white velvet,
lost contact with everyone who once cared.


utter and complete silence.


but always thinking you heard that sound,
THAT DAMN SOUND!
there it is again,
i know i heard it,
i must be losing my fucking mind,
but
its there, right?

oh yeah,
nevermind,
this is winter,
this is a time for being hypnotized by that white revolving blizzard,
and being cold and alone,
HA!
the 'innocence' of that fucking snow,
how i loathe that goddamn snow,
what it does to me,
and everyone playing in it,
they think they know what they're getting themselves into,
they have no clue about these times yet,
just wait til the tundra catches up to them,
then they'll really know what its like,
to be lost,
face through to brain on fire from the lack of feeling,
no emotion where a warm smile once lay.
walking,
as far as one needs to walk,
just to collapse into a white blanket,
it looks so good,
and it is,
for a while.
but once you get up,
you look back,
and you hate yourself,
only to do it all over again every time.
just because you wana be a dumb kid again,
and not grow up.

crazy times were the days of the snow,
makes the good times sweeter i suppose,
wait,
why would i even wana go back to days like that?
i dont know,
i dont know.