the things i'll do to avoid looking stupid sometimes

I don't have internet where I live so I wanted to go to the computer lab at school today to check my email and blog and whatnot. I was hungover as all hell and still am, as a matter of fact. But I had two surprisingly decent hours of jazz ensemble then I walked out into the parking lot to put my bass into my car before going up to the computer room.

I never remember where I parked at this school by the time I get out of class so I've gotten pretty used to stumbling around the parking lot pressing my lock and unlock buttons repeatedly, hoping for a faint beep in the distance, looking like a madman to anyone watching. Some people have told me that pressing the panic button would be a good idea, but in a situation like that I feel the best solution is to remain calm and never to panic. As I was performing this ritual, a pretty young girl pulled up next to me, rolled down her her window and asked, "Excuse me are you leaving?" I turned around to her and said, "Yes as a matter of fact I am, I'm just searching for my car." She said she didn't mind waiting. But about 30 seconds after I said that I actually saw my car which was kind of behind where hers was. So she pretty much helped me find my car. What a gal. She backed her car up so I could get to mine, I put the bass in, and I sat down in the driver's seat and started the car. That's when I realized I wasn't even leaving. But rather then get out of the car and crush her hopes and dreams of finding a parking spot, and not to mention to look like a complete jackass, I pulled out, left the parking lot, drove around the block and came back to search for one again. And let me tell you it was pretty damn hard to find one.

As I'm driving back into the parking lot I knew I had to avoid that girl at all costs. So I didn't even look for any near where she was now parked. Which just so happened to be right next to the building where I needed to go to. But I don't think it mattered there were no spots anyway, I had to park pretty far away. Crazy since I just gave one up. Now I just had to hope I didn't run into her. Because well there's things you can say to explain it I guess, but it would just be awkward and stupid lookin'. I got to the computer lab and who is sitting one row ahead and a few computers to the left? That very girl. So I'm here ducking my head and tilting my screen so she hopefully can't see me and now that I am done typing this I am going to make a clean get away to avoid that impending awkward recognition of confusion.

A letter left behind (along with 6 dollars) for housekeeping in a bathroom at the Holiday Inn Express in Nashua

The toilet won't flush,

And I'm in a rush,

Here's some singles,

Stay away from pringles

Getting Gas

I pull up. I'm already all fucked up. My brain's goin' a mile a minute I'm paranoid as shit and I'm not thinking straight at all. I get out, put the debit card in. Takes me 3 tries to get the PIN # right. I wonder if there's a limit to how many tries you can have with that stuff.

I start pumpin' that shit. There's a girl fillin' up her car across from me. She looks so nice.
Like somebody I'd want to know. Not a happy person, but a warm one. There's an old mother fucker right next to me. I had to move to the side and deliberately look around the corner of the pump to see him. We made eye contact. It was pretty awkward, it made me laugh.

A fucking guido cocksucker pulls in, runs into the gas station. Comes out with an Arizona Iced Tea. Raspberry, i think? Raspberry sucks. He's in a real nice lookin' red car. Everyone around was pretty impressed. I could tell.............

Some other guido (just so happens) comes out of the place and is yelling at somebody. Me and Old Guy turn around and look. Now I don't know if this is who he was yelling to or what, because I didn't really give a fuck, But I saw an older looking, crackhead looking black man with a guitar strapped to his back. He was slurring his words, asking everyone for money. Talking to himself too! But since I had just been talking to myself for the past hour and a half, I'm not one to judge.

I looked away, focusing on pumping my gas. Ignoring him completely even though I hear him behind me. I turn around for a second and he's already right up in my fucking face.
"Sir, you got any money? I don't need much." I said nothing for a moment. He went on speaking this story about how a man wouldn't "open the doors for him", What the fuck? I had no idea what he was talking about. But he stood there right next to me and my car, real close. I told him I'd give him all the money in my left pocket. I reached in.
Felt one single bill. 'I hope to god this is not a twenty' I thought to myself. I pulled it out. It was a single. "This is all I got man," I said. He said "alright thats fine" amd took it and walked away.
No 'thank you', fucking ungrateful douchebag, probably deserves to be in whatever situation he's in.
He went into the gas station and was pulling alcohol out of the fridge in the back when I was pulling away.
I went home and got drunk.

the beautiful naivety of an innocent mind

Have you ever seen a bigger giraffe?
This one's neck goes all the way to the tallest branch.
I'd like to ride it, daddy.
But he says I'm not old enough.
When I grow up I'm going to work at the zoo.
And ride the giraffes.

THATS NOT A FUCKIN JOB THAT ANYBODY WILL EVER PAY YOU FOR.

A Moment of Disillusioned Clarity

I wish the parkway was never ending,
And I could drive forever.
Never have to be anywhere,
for anything.
I can drive
and talk to myself
and fade away.
The radio's on.
The music is there
but
it's not in my head,
just ends there at my ears.
All I hear is my own nonsensical
psychobabble
and it is so
comforting.

Chicken and Beer

Chicken and beer,

Chicken and beer,

In my fridge is only chicken and beer,

Lots of chicken, lots of beer.

I eat chicken everyday.

Sometimes I boil up some rice with the chicken,

Or I cut the chicken into little pieces and put it in a wrap,

Sometimes I even make stuffed peppers and put chicken in 'em

But thats when I'm feeling very ambitious.

Chickens so fucking good, goddamn!

Beer,

I drink that shit every day too!

So many kinds I have in that fridge.

Bottles of BudLight Lime for when I'm watching movies.

(And for my fruit nutrition)

Bottles of Heineken when I'm feeling classy,

Or sometimes I drink it out of a mug to be even more important looking,

And cans of Coors Light for when I have people over.

I really like chicken.

And I guess I love beer so much,

That you could call me a beeraholic.....

or something to that effect.

just the right balance of classy and trashy

baby give me that little smoochie-smooch

..........................you know what i wana do to you,

................................i really like the way you sit there

.............................................................and look so cute,

.......................even though you got a little fake attitude,

.......then we do anything

...that we wana do

and we don't sleep all night

........till around 6 am,

..........................................the night started on the couch

..........dont even remember how we got to the bed,

then i wake up

.........................................and the place is a mess,

...............................................there's pillows

..and clothes........

.................................................................and cans

all over,

....................and even when we wake up

...............................................we're not really sober,

and when you open your eyes

...................................................you wana do it again,

..............and the walls are watching

.....................but I'll turn out the lights

....................................and tell 'em all to turn their heads,

.......but there's a free show centerstage in my bed,

........so I wouldn't blame even them to steal a glance or two,


oh,..........all the things.................I still want to do to you,


but your such a busy gal you always gotta go somewhere

.........................so then your off again into the morning air

10th Grade Romance

She wasn't the greatest looking dame around, but she had a certain very distinctive look to her that I found interesting. She seemed pretty innocent at the time. I had spoken to her a few times, seen her around, I was diggin' her and it seemed like she was diggin' me a little too.

She called me. Said she was gonna be in my town tonite at her aunts and that she wanted to see me. I said alright. Me and a couple of my friends were hanging out at this shitty, out-in-the-open parking lot next to a white church. She came there, by herself. She hugged me, asked me why we dont hangout more. After talking for a little bit, and introducing her to my friends, I asked her if she wanted to smoke. She said she had no money. I said it didnt matter. She was quite alright with that. Fucking bitch.

As we were all waiting for the dealer some dog-faced boy pulled into the lot in some fancy nice car. Maybe a camaro, i dont really care for cars so I don't know about them. He looked like a fucking wolf. I knew who he was, he had graduated from my high school, and I even worked with him at a grimy disgusting Honey Baked Ham for about a week. He was a tool. He looked like a wolfman walking up on two legs. Such an awkward fuck.

Anyway he pulled in and got out and lit up a cigarette. This girl fucking ran up and hugged him. They were standing there talking for a little. Then she turned around to me and said "uhh im gonna go drive around with scott for a little bit.." and got in his car and drove away. They were gone for what felt like hours. It probably was, we were waiting for the pot for a real long time and then by the time i was just finished rolling the blunt she pulled up.

By now I was sitting behind the church, she came up towards me and was talking to me through the fence. "I'm getting picked up by my mom now I'm going home" "uhhh okay bye"
she looked a little distraught for some reason, even though I was the one who was pretty pissed.
"your not even gonna come around and say goodbye?" "mmm no I think I'm alright" She left in a big huff and didnt speak to me til about a year later. And all I did was get really stoned and I dont remember anything else afterwards.

Thats about the closest I had to having a 10th grade summer romance. And she probably got banged out in the back of a camaro by some hairy dude.

medication for the used-up bruised-up brain

I live in a cave,
No light no windows no air,
Nothing works,
Nothing in the place,
Nothing in my body,
Nothing in my brain,
Nothing in my life,
Everythings broken,
Everythings a bother,
Everything is stupid,
Everything makes me angry,
So i could give a fuck, friends,
Stay away from me,
Because I'll hurt you,
Even when you think you know me,
And I'm trying to be a good guy,
Thats when I'll leave,
because I have been desensitized,
I don't feel anymore,
I don't get sad,
I don't feel guilty,
I don't feel shame,
I don't feel happy, the best I do is to not feel like destroying something or someone,
I am not a human being,
I have become an animal,
Not even an animal,
I'm a cloud,
A zombie,
Drifting through time and space,
Just trying to make it through each and every day,
For reasons I dont understand,
Reasons I barely believe anymore,
Reasons that don't convince me anymore,
Reasons that just make me angrier to think about them,
So I sit alone with me and my hazy reasons,
My dreary hazy thoughts,
Now getting twisted and changed around and beaten down by my own
used-up bruised-up brain,
I sit and stare at them,
And they stare at me,
Wherever I look there they are,
I turn around there back again,
The only way to get rid of them is to beat them out of me
with my own fists,
like some sort of fucked up exorcism,
being performed by someone who is quite the opposite of a priest,
But when I am done,
it feels good,
the bruises and blood make me feel calm again,
and I can sleep peacefully til tomorrow,
and let me tell you,
I sleep like a goddamn baby.

lack of an _ key

my _ doe_nt work,
_o whenever your reading _omething here that _hould have an _ it will appear a_ an _.
_o if i were to write for example the word_: _ea otter, _paghetti, _ock_, _mall inte_tine, depre__ion, or _centle__, they would appear without the oh _o important _ymbol of _.



_orry reader_, for the unece__ary confu_ion that ju_t _ent into your _illy live_.

An Ode To Danielle & Chris (in D major)

(should be sung as an old folksy tune, if you really want to, from D to C# to G to D and then repeated once more for the verses each time then that little bridge part is something else but its all in my head and contrary to whaty ou might think i dont have THAT much time on my hands to do all that right now..)





Never become a manager in retail,

Because my friend thats when you lose your soul,

No longer paying attention to detail,

Making others miserable becomes your goal,



You sit around on your ass all day,

But complain that you deserve more pay,

Working with teens that could not care less,

While your worrying about if your stores the best,



And all the kids that you opress,

Know your life is a wet hot mess,

And you wish that you could take a vacation,

Because out of all of them you have the lowest education,



So before you throw your life away,

Falling down an endless staircase,

Say HEY maybe its worth to pay,

A little more attention to the big ol' race,


Cuz money makes the world go round,

But once your lost in retail you cant be found,

So go to school and live a good life,

Or just find a rich old wife (or husband).