medication for the used-up bruised-up brain

I live in a cave,
No light no windows no air,
Nothing works,
Nothing in the place,
Nothing in my body,
Nothing in my brain,
Nothing in my life,
Everythings broken,
Everythings a bother,
Everything is stupid,
Everything makes me angry,
So i could give a fuck, friends,
Stay away from me,
Because I'll hurt you,
Even when you think you know me,
And I'm trying to be a good guy,
Thats when I'll leave,
because I have been desensitized,
I don't feel anymore,
I don't get sad,
I don't feel guilty,
I don't feel shame,
I don't feel happy, the best I do is to not feel like destroying something or someone,
I am not a human being,
I have become an animal,
Not even an animal,
I'm a cloud,
A zombie,
Drifting through time and space,
Just trying to make it through each and every day,
For reasons I dont understand,
Reasons I barely believe anymore,
Reasons that don't convince me anymore,
Reasons that just make me angrier to think about them,
So I sit alone with me and my hazy reasons,
My dreary hazy thoughts,
Now getting twisted and changed around and beaten down by my own
used-up bruised-up brain,
I sit and stare at them,
And they stare at me,
Wherever I look there they are,
I turn around there back again,
The only way to get rid of them is to beat them out of me
with my own fists,
like some sort of fucked up exorcism,
being performed by someone who is quite the opposite of a priest,
But when I am done,
it feels good,
the bruises and blood make me feel calm again,
and I can sleep peacefully til tomorrow,
and let me tell you,
I sleep like a goddamn baby.