When you wear nice shirts
And glasses
People listen
And what you say sounds smart.
They are all good ideas,
And you're always right.
When you have piercings
And tattoos
Everything you say has a fucking attitude
And you're looking for a problem,
And you're lookin' for something to steal,
And you are an asshole
Who is trying to be tough.
When your eyes are all watery and bloodshot,
You're useless,
You are a joke,
You have no reason to be here.
Stop talking.
When you talk slowly,
You're not smart.
People laugh.
You're not paying attention.
You're retarded.
When you are quiet.
Something is wrong.
What is the matter?
You're hiding something.
When you are different.
You're interesting.
People want to talk to you about dumb shit.
When you are tired.
You don't want to continue thinking of things to write.
Thursday, November 26, 2009
No breaks, No vacations
Doing drugs is a full-time occupation,
No time for breaks,
No time for vacations.
No time for friends,
No time for family,
No time for food,
Sometimes I gotta work but not hard, not well.
Not now, not when I wanna.
Gotta walk pretty far
When you don't have a car,
'Cause that spic doesn't give a fuck
About my time or my mission.
Gotta stay up late watching the doorknob,
Listening for footsteps,
Because somebody knows,
How would they not?
Get up do a line sit down.
And that's it.
Watch some South Park.
Eh, just another line.
That's fine.
End up doing almost the whole bag.
Just enough left for when I wake up I have a little bit to get me goin'
To get me goin' to get some more.
Like its scripted.
Same shit every day.
No breaks, no vacations.
No time for breaks,
No time for vacations.
No time for friends,
No time for family,
No time for food,
Sometimes I gotta work but not hard, not well.
Not now, not when I wanna.
Gotta walk pretty far
When you don't have a car,
'Cause that spic doesn't give a fuck
About my time or my mission.
Gotta stay up late watching the doorknob,
Listening for footsteps,
Because somebody knows,
How would they not?
Get up do a line sit down.
And that's it.
Watch some South Park.
Eh, just another line.
That's fine.
End up doing almost the whole bag.
Just enough left for when I wake up I have a little bit to get me goin'
To get me goin' to get some more.
Like its scripted.
Same shit every day.
No breaks, no vacations.
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
that upbeat swing type futuristic motion
The monsters are awakened
Evil takes its toll,
I promise I will never make
A promise I can’t hold.
They come when you’re in darkness,
They come so late at night,
I promise if you still love me
I’ll always bring the light.
Nightmares are approaching,
Dreaming of the past,
I will erase such horrid memories,
And make pleasantries that last.
Oh, how I want you to know,
I may have lost my mind,
But at the very same time,
I found my favorite crime.
Evil takes its toll,
I promise I will never make
A promise I can’t hold.
They come when you’re in darkness,
They come so late at night,
I promise if you still love me
I’ll always bring the light.
Nightmares are approaching,
Dreaming of the past,
I will erase such horrid memories,
And make pleasantries that last.
Oh, how I want you to know,
I may have lost my mind,
But at the very same time,
I found my favorite crime.
Sunday, November 22, 2009
Billy
Billy’s sailing to the moon on a spaceship made of graham crackers,
I said, Billy’s sailing to the moon on a spaceship made of graham crackers,
And when he gets there the world is gonna shake his hand
And when he comes back a song will be playin’ his band,
When the good times flow the moon will glow,
And when the bad times come everybody gotta go,
Billy’s sailing to the moon on a spaceship made of graham crackers.
I said, Billy’s sailing to the moon on a spaceship made of graham crackers,
And they televised the landing
It was a great economic standing,
But when he came back they forgot of his courageous feat
And he got no love from the people that he’d meet,
Billy went to the moon on a spaceship made of graham crackers,
Yeah, billy went to the moon on a spaceship made of graham crackers,
But when he came back, man, things had changed,
Every body just seemed so deranged,
Didn’t think he had a place to go,
Then he realized there was one place he’d know,
So Billy sailed back to the moon on a spaceship made of graham crackers,
Billy went to the moon on a spaceship made of graham crackers,
And when he landed he tore up the recipe,
And he ate every cracker that he could see,
And he found a moonlady he could marry,
And then they decided to start a family,
And Nobody from the shitty planet earth saw Billy ever again.
I said, Billy’s sailing to the moon on a spaceship made of graham crackers,
And when he gets there the world is gonna shake his hand
And when he comes back a song will be playin’ his band,
When the good times flow the moon will glow,
And when the bad times come everybody gotta go,
Billy’s sailing to the moon on a spaceship made of graham crackers.
I said, Billy’s sailing to the moon on a spaceship made of graham crackers,
And they televised the landing
It was a great economic standing,
But when he came back they forgot of his courageous feat
And he got no love from the people that he’d meet,
Billy went to the moon on a spaceship made of graham crackers,
Yeah, billy went to the moon on a spaceship made of graham crackers,
But when he came back, man, things had changed,
Every body just seemed so deranged,
Didn’t think he had a place to go,
Then he realized there was one place he’d know,
So Billy sailed back to the moon on a spaceship made of graham crackers,
Billy went to the moon on a spaceship made of graham crackers,
And when he landed he tore up the recipe,
And he ate every cracker that he could see,
And he found a moonlady he could marry,
And then they decided to start a family,
And Nobody from the shitty planet earth saw Billy ever again.
The Amazing Cashew-Eating Boy
Come one, come all! Step right up to the center stage, right here in the living room of this shitty basement apartment! Come on and see the man who eats cashews! He sits on his ass all day on this very couch, known to eat 2 whole pounds of cashews in one sitting! Read the label on that big container folks, I’m not kidding! He’s gotta go to class? Don’t matter! He will finish that container before he gets up. Drunk or sober, don’t matter to him. Eats like an expert! Tunes everything out I tell ya. Couldn’t learn such a talent, yer born with it I say! Even the strongest of men, the biggest of beasts, have attempted the feats set by the Mellow Man over here, and what became of them all? Failures, I tell you! Many had to get their stomachs pumped. Some puked up their guts all over themselves. Others keeled over right then and there. In any matter, you are looking at the champion, the only, the one-of-a-kind sensation, you love him because you know you could never be him! This fella’s got protein running through his veins by now! And he shows no signs of slowing! No flash photography, folks!
reach out
Nobody feels this way. Nobody understands. Nobody’s been through what I’ve been through. Nobody else has to put up with this bullshit. Nobody gets this sad. Nobody gets so angry at nothing. Nobody else cries over this shit. Nobody else feels all alone. Nobody else wonders ‘what’s the point of all this?’ like I do. Nobody else wants to end it all sometimes. Nobody else freaks out like I do. Nobody else is this crazy.
And yet we are all alone together.
Reach out to somebody, anybody.
And yet we are all alone together.
Reach out to somebody, anybody.
Thursday, November 19, 2009
Whores (Sign of the Times)
*inspired by "Art (Sign of the Times)" by Joe Camoli*
I once saw a gal,
With pale white skin,
And big baggy blue eyes.
And she talked at me.
And she flirted with me.
She told me she liked my eyebrow ring,
and my tattoo. She conversed about
how school's a drag apparently,
and teachers who 'suck'. She told me all about
how she's from ireland, and she'd move back there in time.
I looked at her and her 'halogen bulbs'. I stood there starin' at her,
This hot chick with pale skin and big baggy blue eyes.
I poked her arm,
noticed the smoothness of her skin.
I just stood there, thinkin' what to do.
I asked her where the bathroom was,
Slowly, she walked down the short little hall,
and I followed her.
She followed me into the bathroom and blew me.
Then I went out into the backyard and had a cigarette and another beer with my friend Chris.
I once saw a gal,
With pale white skin,
And big baggy blue eyes.
And she talked at me.
And she flirted with me.
She told me she liked my eyebrow ring,
and my tattoo. She conversed about
how school's a drag apparently,
and teachers who 'suck'. She told me all about
how she's from ireland, and she'd move back there in time.
I looked at her and her 'halogen bulbs'. I stood there starin' at her,
This hot chick with pale skin and big baggy blue eyes.
I poked her arm,
noticed the smoothness of her skin.
I just stood there, thinkin' what to do.
I asked her where the bathroom was,
Slowly, she walked down the short little hall,
and I followed her.
She followed me into the bathroom and blew me.
Then I went out into the backyard and had a cigarette and another beer with my friend Chris.
The only reason I'd go to dizzy's is to kidnap verne troyer..
I’m afraid that if I like you too much, and I fully give in to how I feel about you you’ll take it all and throw it all away. That one night you’ll say ‘fuck it’ and just hook up with some random asshole for no good reason. And where will that leave me? A wreck. So why would I want to get fully attached to anybody? It’s happened to me before. Not to say you’re like that. Because most of the time in my head I know you’re not. But all the girls I’ve found always bad fucking news. Usually they don’t give a shit about anything but themselves, and their hips are hungry for dick and attention.
People are terrible. Women are whores, and guys are fucking cavemen. They all make me sick. Going to dirty clubs and drinking underage thinking it makes them seem mature. Slutty girls dressed like whores grinding up on some tan guido fuckface’s cock. No thanks, not my scene. There’s always a couple 40 year old dudes there trying to get laid, too, offering girls money and drinks to get on their cock. So why go to a place like that? You’re better than that. Most of the people there are not, which is why those places are invented I guess. But fuck it pisses me off to think of you going there. But then again I don’t know what goes on there. Maybe you’re just not as much of a recluse as I am and you haven’t lost your faith in people yet.
People are terrible. Women are whores, and guys are fucking cavemen. They all make me sick. Going to dirty clubs and drinking underage thinking it makes them seem mature. Slutty girls dressed like whores grinding up on some tan guido fuckface’s cock. No thanks, not my scene. There’s always a couple 40 year old dudes there trying to get laid, too, offering girls money and drinks to get on their cock. So why go to a place like that? You’re better than that. Most of the people there are not, which is why those places are invented I guess. But fuck it pisses me off to think of you going there. But then again I don’t know what goes on there. Maybe you’re just not as much of a recluse as I am and you haven’t lost your faith in people yet.
Ladyfinger
Did I ever tell you bout that girl with the nice fingers?
Yeah I fucked her.
Only for about a minute though.
She didn’t enjoy it,
I didn’t really either.
But I did it.
I finished too.
Yeah she never called me again.
Fine with me I don’t give a fuck.
I never said I was any good at fucking.
Well okay I did tell her that.
Which is probably why she looked at me in horror when I told her I had came already that quickly.
Then she stormed out, breaking a bunch of shit on her way to the door.
And it was her fuckin’ house!
That’s the weird thing.
Well I don’t care.
I took a nap right there.
When I awoke, there was a huge man standing over me.
Finger-girl was screaming that I was her abusive ex-boyfriend,
And that I refused to leave.
I didn’t really know what the fuck to say.
But this guy picked me up and literally carried me outside.
He then beat my face in with my own fist.
Smacked my mouth against the curb,
Then left me out there to die.
But I probably got that guy laid.
And Ladyfinger over there laid again, as well.
So like I said I don’t give a fuck,
Everybody’s got their own place in the universe.
Just gotta accept it.
‘Least I got laid.
(takes a sip of beer)
Yeah I fucked her.
Only for about a minute though.
She didn’t enjoy it,
I didn’t really either.
But I did it.
I finished too.
Yeah she never called me again.
Fine with me I don’t give a fuck.
I never said I was any good at fucking.
Well okay I did tell her that.
Which is probably why she looked at me in horror when I told her I had came already that quickly.
Then she stormed out, breaking a bunch of shit on her way to the door.
And it was her fuckin’ house!
That’s the weird thing.
Well I don’t care.
I took a nap right there.
When I awoke, there was a huge man standing over me.
Finger-girl was screaming that I was her abusive ex-boyfriend,
And that I refused to leave.
I didn’t really know what the fuck to say.
But this guy picked me up and literally carried me outside.
He then beat my face in with my own fist.
Smacked my mouth against the curb,
Then left me out there to die.
But I probably got that guy laid.
And Ladyfinger over there laid again, as well.
So like I said I don’t give a fuck,
Everybody’s got their own place in the universe.
Just gotta accept it.
‘Least I got laid.
(takes a sip of beer)
8 word poem
This poem is going to be eightwordsnomatterwhatyousayidontcareevenifyousayitsnotapoemidontfuckingcarehowamigonnafitonthepageyoumightaskwellidontknowiguessimgonnahavetogetcreativebutyouneverdoneanythingremotelylikethissoshutyourfuckin mouth.
(From the Point of View of a) Liar
You look vulnerable,
Like somebody I could fuck up for a few years,
And use and abuse like a fucking condom because that’s pretty much all you are to me.
And I won’t even do much,
I won’t really make you feel special,
Anything good I do is fabricated in your mind,
By your wishful thinking.
And you will pretend that I’m something good for you,
Even when you realize that I’m a complete asshole and I treat you like shit.
I’ll fuck other girls, and you’ll figure it out,
But I’ll still deny it, while being caught red-handed,
And you’ll take me back,
Even though I don’t care If you do or don’t,
Because I’m useless.
But I will make you feel like the useless one,
I’ll fuck with your head,
I’ll tell you you look like a whore,
And slap you around,
And you’ll take it.
Cause I don’t want you to have a self-esteem,
Or goals,
Or friends,
Or happiness.
And yet you will wait for me to change
Which will never happen,
And you will love me
More than someone who is nice to you from day one.
Like somebody I could fuck up for a few years,
And use and abuse like a fucking condom because that’s pretty much all you are to me.
And I won’t even do much,
I won’t really make you feel special,
Anything good I do is fabricated in your mind,
By your wishful thinking.
And you will pretend that I’m something good for you,
Even when you realize that I’m a complete asshole and I treat you like shit.
I’ll fuck other girls, and you’ll figure it out,
But I’ll still deny it, while being caught red-handed,
And you’ll take me back,
Even though I don’t care If you do or don’t,
Because I’m useless.
But I will make you feel like the useless one,
I’ll fuck with your head,
I’ll tell you you look like a whore,
And slap you around,
And you’ll take it.
Cause I don’t want you to have a self-esteem,
Or goals,
Or friends,
Or happiness.
And yet you will wait for me to change
Which will never happen,
And you will love me
More than someone who is nice to you from day one.
Watch Me Walk Away
Watch me walk away from this bullshit you call a necessity,
Watch me walk away from this pointless argument,
Watch me walk away from these lies,
Watch me walk away from that evil look in your eyes,
I can’t stand the sight of you anymore,
It makes my skin crawl,
Anxiety returns to my mind
Every time you call.
You ask me how I’m doing,
“How’s school?”
I don’t fall for the trap,
I’m no longer your fool.
Your sole purpose in this life
Is to stur up shit,
Well I’m done,
Move on, I’m sick of it.
If you are so goddamn perfect and classy as you say you are,
Get out of my fuckin’ life,
I’m a scumbag liar in your own words,
There are some things I just can’t comprehend nowadays I suppose,
And at this point I won’t even try.
Because there’s no reasoning with an insane person,
I would know.
Watch me walk away from those used up hips
Watch me walk away from those dirty lips,
Watch me walk away for the last time,
Watch me walk away if you want to pretend to cry again.
Watch me walk away from this pointless argument,
Watch me walk away from these lies,
Watch me walk away from that evil look in your eyes,
I can’t stand the sight of you anymore,
It makes my skin crawl,
Anxiety returns to my mind
Every time you call.
You ask me how I’m doing,
“How’s school?”
I don’t fall for the trap,
I’m no longer your fool.
Your sole purpose in this life
Is to stur up shit,
Well I’m done,
Move on, I’m sick of it.
If you are so goddamn perfect and classy as you say you are,
Get out of my fuckin’ life,
I’m a scumbag liar in your own words,
There are some things I just can’t comprehend nowadays I suppose,
And at this point I won’t even try.
Because there’s no reasoning with an insane person,
I would know.
Watch me walk away from those used up hips
Watch me walk away from those dirty lips,
Watch me walk away for the last time,
Watch me walk away if you want to pretend to cry again.
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
the whole death thing
I ain't gots no problems wit dem peoples doin' what theys doin'
I mean like personally i hopes the whole death thing doesnt happen to me
I feels like i could be livin forevuh
I means like I be eatin fruits and mangoes and chickens and eggies
And likes even though I be drinkin everyday
And be gettin into car accidints
Locked outta my apartmint
And be havin mad problems wit dee famlee
And my girl like i never be s-seein her so much
Like I is A-okay you know,
Well i means like i aint quite A-okay,
Maybe like Bminus-okay.
But i means like thats still pretty good you know.
I mean like personally i hopes the whole death thing doesnt happen to me
I feels like i could be livin forevuh
I means like I be eatin fruits and mangoes and chickens and eggies
And likes even though I be drinkin everyday
And be gettin into car accidints
Locked outta my apartmint
And be havin mad problems wit dee famlee
And my girl like i never be s-seein her so much
Like I is A-okay you know,
Well i means like i aint quite A-okay,
Maybe like Bminus-okay.
But i means like thats still pretty good you know.
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
I Hope they Serve Bananas in Heaven
Oh how I wonder if they serve yellow bananas in heaven
At Best Yet they got green bananas,
At PathMark they have dirty lookin’ bananas,
And at Stop & Shop they have black bananas that are past their prime
.......................And will never be yellow again.
All I want are some yellow bananas,
To eat when I wake up.
Because potassium can do you some damn fine good to start your day with it.
And I’m a healthy young fella.
Just tryin to do betta.
Cuz I wana do alright in my days.
But I guess by the time I die,
Potassium wont be doin me much good.
But I mean I like bananas for more than their potassium,
There they are all fresh tasting and revitalizing and such.
But man is good stuff.
I could eat em everyday if I could find me some good ones.
At Best Yet they got green bananas,
At PathMark they have dirty lookin’ bananas,
And at Stop & Shop they have black bananas that are past their prime
.......................And will never be yellow again.
All I want are some yellow bananas,
To eat when I wake up.
Because potassium can do you some damn fine good to start your day with it.
And I’m a healthy young fella.
Just tryin to do betta.
Cuz I wana do alright in my days.
But I guess by the time I die,
Potassium wont be doin me much good.
But I mean I like bananas for more than their potassium,
There they are all fresh tasting and revitalizing and such.
But man is good stuff.
I could eat em everyday if I could find me some good ones.
holy schmoley
I walked-eth through the parketh this morning.
Looked around, left to right, side to side, as I walked.
Left foot, right foot, how do my foots step in such perfect time?
Practice my good fellow, I’ve been walking for quite a few years now, I know what I am doing.
.
I saw-eth a child. He satteth on the ground-eth, playing with some blocks.
What a creative child, I thought-eth to myself-eth.
Of course not as creative and ingenious as me though, I chuckled to myself. As if there are many out there who could achieve such a feat!
.
Ahhh, but I digress, I do. Not unlike me to interject my own fabulous story with a hilarious joke of such proportions.
Coming back to my own point, I sat down on a bench near-eth the child, crossing my legs and opening up my newspaper (which I was going to read). He seemed to be of Haitian decent.
.
“Beautiful day good sir, wouldn’t you agree-eth?” I said, rather daring of me to speak to such an exotic fellow.
He looked up at me with an inquisitive look on his face. I could tell right then and there he was a little slow, as many of them are. But he looked like he could be quite the scholar, given the right assistance from a genius such as I. Ho Ho! Well I guess anyone could do quite well for themselves if tutored by a man of my ability.
.
“You know, young fellow,” I said. Slowly, so he could understand and comprehend what I was saying. “You could be the next Obama, if you really put your mind to it and exerted yourself.” I was trying to inspire him, as sometimes people can’t think so highly unless I point out the possibilities to them.
“Who’s Obama?” He said.
.
I was shocked for a good couple minutes I’d say. How does he not know who his president is? Does he not care?! Or is he deprived of this knowledge?! I iwlll tell you this is not what I vote for, this is not why I pay my taxes. No, I say! Nay, Negative,… No!
.
NO I sayeth to the machine-eth. For I have a plan. Well I do not, per se, have a plan at the moment. But I went home after this occurrence and I thought and I thought and I thought and I thought about the state that we as a country are in and our falling deep into problematic situations and then after I thought I wrote this out. And I hope-eth it made a difference-eth.
Looked around, left to right, side to side, as I walked.
Left foot, right foot, how do my foots step in such perfect time?
Practice my good fellow, I’ve been walking for quite a few years now, I know what I am doing.
.
I saw-eth a child. He satteth on the ground-eth, playing with some blocks.
What a creative child, I thought-eth to myself-eth.
Of course not as creative and ingenious as me though, I chuckled to myself. As if there are many out there who could achieve such a feat!
.
Ahhh, but I digress, I do. Not unlike me to interject my own fabulous story with a hilarious joke of such proportions.
Coming back to my own point, I sat down on a bench near-eth the child, crossing my legs and opening up my newspaper (which I was going to read). He seemed to be of Haitian decent.
.
“Beautiful day good sir, wouldn’t you agree-eth?” I said, rather daring of me to speak to such an exotic fellow.
He looked up at me with an inquisitive look on his face. I could tell right then and there he was a little slow, as many of them are. But he looked like he could be quite the scholar, given the right assistance from a genius such as I. Ho Ho! Well I guess anyone could do quite well for themselves if tutored by a man of my ability.
.
“You know, young fellow,” I said. Slowly, so he could understand and comprehend what I was saying. “You could be the next Obama, if you really put your mind to it and exerted yourself.” I was trying to inspire him, as sometimes people can’t think so highly unless I point out the possibilities to them.
“Who’s Obama?” He said.
.
I was shocked for a good couple minutes I’d say. How does he not know who his president is? Does he not care?! Or is he deprived of this knowledge?! I iwlll tell you this is not what I vote for, this is not why I pay my taxes. No, I say! Nay, Negative,… No!
.
NO I sayeth to the machine-eth. For I have a plan. Well I do not, per se, have a plan at the moment. But I went home after this occurrence and I thought and I thought and I thought and I thought about the state that we as a country are in and our falling deep into problematic situations and then after I thought I wrote this out. And I hope-eth it made a difference-eth.
Thursday, November 12, 2009
!
WOMAN: Honey, are you feeling alright? You’ve been acting.. strange.
.
MAN: Well now that you mention it, there is.. something….
.
WOMAN: What’s the matter my dear?
.
MAN turns away
MAN: You wouldn’t believe me if I told you, let’s just forget it.
.
WOMAN: Baby you can tell me anything, I wouldn’t judge you or think differently of you, I swear.
.
MAN: Alright well, it’s just that things seem different lately. I feel different.
.
WOMAN: How ever do you mean?
.
.
MAN: Well about the past couple of weeks I’ve been feeling... Oh god, this is so hard for me to say. I feel like a dot.
.
WOMAN: Oh Jesus Christ, really?
.
.
MAN: Yes all the time I do, and never knew how to tell anyone.
.
WOMAN: Oh Lord, you shouldn’t hold a feeling such as that inside, love. I’m all ears, tell me about how you’re feeling.
.
.
MAN: Alright. Well, you know how a lot of times everyone just acts like a bunch of words and they’re all arranged so perfectly there in a sentence, well I feel like I just belong at the end…
.
WOMAN: Oh my god, what made this horrible feeling come upon you? Did something happen? Did someone throw mean words at you, perhaps? Use up all the words and leave you with punctuations?
.
.
MAN: No no, not exactly. I just feel like I don’t fit in with words anymore. Like I need to be separated and isolated away from them at the end all by myself. I’m not like them, sweetheart. It is as if I serve a different purpose. And there’s a few like me I’ve heard. Like commas, but I’m never anywhere near them, I wouldn’t know.
.
WOMAN: Well this is a shock. But we’ll get through this. It’s fine.
Can I tell you something, though?
.
Can I tell you something, though?
.
MAN: Of course. Anything at all, dear.
.
WOMAN: I’ve always wanted to be an exclamation point! To have that kind of power over the emotion of a statement would be so exciting!
.
.
MAN: Really? Do you mean that?
.
WOMAN: Yes, I do. I just never really thought much of it till now.
.
.
MAN: Oh. Well.. I guess it’s not so far off, from how I’ve been feeling..
.
WOMAN: No! Don’t you understand? We can do it together!
.
.
She hops onto MAN’s shoulders.
.
MAN: You’re right! Now we can be happy! And be an exclamation point! And spread emotion and excitement in both our lives, and even the rest of the world!
.
WOMAN: Oh happy day! I am so excited! I love you, darling!
.
.
MAN: I love you too! Let’s go live our new wonderful life together!
.
MAN, with WOMAN on his shoulders, runs out of the house and down the road, off into the distance.
And they never returned to that house again.
And they never returned to that house again.
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
Antonio Carlos Jobim
Dat baby ain’t gonna make
................Itself stop cryin’,
Better get them forks and knives out
................................Boy,
And take her outta de oven.
I put it right dere on da table,
...............And you aint even touched it or nothin’,
You better chow down boy!
How you expect, to stay young and trim like me,
................If you don’t eat yo baybees.
It don’t matter where it came from,
................Don’t matter where it was goin’,
A baybee’s a baybee and you gotta eat babies.
................Plain as day.
And don’t ask where I got
................the mothafuckin’ baby!
God damn!
A baby is a baby, and that’s all there is to it.
Tell me what you see when you lookin’ at dat plate.
................A fuckin baby, man.
I don’t get the big commotion,
................Somebody offers me a free baby,
................................Which HAS happened,
................I eat that shit right up.
........All I'm sayin' is,
You gotta eat babies, plain and simple.
................Itself stop cryin’,
Better get them forks and knives out
................................Boy,
And take her outta de oven.
I put it right dere on da table,
...............And you aint even touched it or nothin’,
You better chow down boy!
How you expect, to stay young and trim like me,
................If you don’t eat yo baybees.
It don’t matter where it came from,
................Don’t matter where it was goin’,
A baybee’s a baybee and you gotta eat babies.
................Plain as day.
And don’t ask where I got
................the mothafuckin’ baby!
God damn!
A baby is a baby, and that’s all there is to it.
Tell me what you see when you lookin’ at dat plate.
................A fuckin baby, man.
I don’t get the big commotion,
................Somebody offers me a free baby,
................................Which HAS happened,
................I eat that shit right up.
........All I'm sayin' is,
You gotta eat babies, plain and simple.
the boy who took out his eyes
The boy didn’t like what he saw, so he took out his eyes.
It hurt more to keep them in and think about what he was seeing, than it did to take them out of his head.
So he took them out and as he held them both, one in each hand, he smiled and he felt a lot better.
He was happy.
He never had to feel bad again, because you don’t know what you can’t see, and you won’t feel bad about what you don’t know.
It hurt more to keep them in and think about what he was seeing, than it did to take them out of his head.
So he took them out and as he held them both, one in each hand, he smiled and he felt a lot better.
He was happy.
He never had to feel bad again, because you don’t know what you can’t see, and you won’t feel bad about what you don’t know.
Saturday, November 7, 2009
papayas=satan
I stopped at my parents house the other night when I got out of work. I was quietly sitting on the computer, as I have no internet where I currently live, when my mom came up to me saying, “You’re into fruits now, right?” Hoping this wasn’t gonna turn into some type of pun I reluctantly confirmed. She came up to me with a tray of orangeish reddish fruit and said enthusiastically, “Do you like mangos?!” I replied with a genuine “Boy Howdy! I certainly do, Ma! Gee Whilickers what a swell idea! Mangos, what a treat!” And I quickly grabbed a slice of what I thought to be a delicious piece of mango, and as I was putting it in my mouth, my mother said, “Oh wait, they might be papayas. Either mangos or papayas.”
Now I don’t know if you, Reader, have ever tasted either mangoes or papayas. But mangos are heavenly. Especially mango juice I highly recommend it. But papayas, no. I had never tried one before this particular instance, and mark my words, I never will again for as long as I live.
The moment it hit my tongue I felt like death was upon me. It tasted like Satan had emerged up from Hell just to take a soft but solid dump directly into my mouth. I never knew a food could alter your mood so much but this one did. It caused me to experience a wave of severe depression. I contemplated suicide. Turned to drugs. Made me start drinkin’ again. It severely lowered my life expectancy. Started spending money on crazy lavish things: boats, goats, gold watches, fancy sunglasses, European sculptures, several televisions, a rollercoaster without the track. I even adopted two small Asian children. I named one of them Jeffrey, the other one Vinny. I loved them as my own. Taught them how to play catch, ride bicycles, talk to women, tie their shoes. Everything a father could pass on to their child. Then one fateful night, I was out in one of the Koreas on a business trip. (I left the boys with my brother, as mine and my mother’s relationship had been strained ever since the incident). I brought back three ladyboys to my hotel room that night. And don’t get me wrong, all of the love-making was passionate. It was the best goddamn orgy I ever had. Those Korean ladyboys, they sure as hell know how to please a man. However, the whole time, my eyes were locked on one of them. I just couldn’t look away, it would’ve been a sin to ignore such beauty. His/her cute beady little dark eyes. His/her gorgeous dyed-blonde hair. I swore to myself, I would never let him/her go.
So right then and there I said, “Kishwa, will you marry me? I’ll bring you back to the States with me. Start you a new life. I know you done made plenty of wrong turns in your path, but it’s okay now. I don’t need to hear about ‘em. You did what you had to do, and I understand that. But I want to take you away from all this. I’ll treat ya real special-like. Make you the happiest goddamn ladyboy on this earth. Whaddaya say Kishwa?” It looked like she was noddin’ her head yes, although she could’ve just been enjoying the ride. Either way, I packed her up in my suitcase and got the fuck out of Korea, man. Got on the next goddamn flight home.
We arrived back home, picked up the boys, introduced Kishwa to my brother. They had their girl-talk, what have you. I explained to the boys that Kishwa was now #2 in command at the house, but they’re great boys they understood. And things were good. Real good. For at least, 2 weeks. But then, I’ll admit, I had a lot of stress going on at the workplace. I guess it was just too much. I couldn’t handle it. I started smacking Kishwa around. It made me feel like a big man. I do regret putting my hands on Kishwa in that manner. I do. Honest to god. But I never laid a hand on those boys.
Anyway, there were several domestic disturbance calls placed to the police regarding me, made by Kishwa. So there was a court ordered restraining order put in place. And Kishwa got custody of the kids, despite being an illegal immigrant, to my dismay. Because I’ll admit I had several prior convictions, for child molestation, and vandalism, and public beastility. But man it’s bullshit I don’t even get to see my damn kids, I don’t even get weekends with ‘em, Nothin’! And they livin’ in my house! Gets me real steamed up to talk about. And not a day goes by where I don’t think about Kishwa, and that beautiful dyed-blonde hair.
Oh yeah stay away from zucchinis or something like that, I don’t remember where I was going with that.
Now I don’t know if you, Reader, have ever tasted either mangoes or papayas. But mangos are heavenly. Especially mango juice I highly recommend it. But papayas, no. I had never tried one before this particular instance, and mark my words, I never will again for as long as I live.
The moment it hit my tongue I felt like death was upon me. It tasted like Satan had emerged up from Hell just to take a soft but solid dump directly into my mouth. I never knew a food could alter your mood so much but this one did. It caused me to experience a wave of severe depression. I contemplated suicide. Turned to drugs. Made me start drinkin’ again. It severely lowered my life expectancy. Started spending money on crazy lavish things: boats, goats, gold watches, fancy sunglasses, European sculptures, several televisions, a rollercoaster without the track. I even adopted two small Asian children. I named one of them Jeffrey, the other one Vinny. I loved them as my own. Taught them how to play catch, ride bicycles, talk to women, tie their shoes. Everything a father could pass on to their child. Then one fateful night, I was out in one of the Koreas on a business trip. (I left the boys with my brother, as mine and my mother’s relationship had been strained ever since the incident). I brought back three ladyboys to my hotel room that night. And don’t get me wrong, all of the love-making was passionate. It was the best goddamn orgy I ever had. Those Korean ladyboys, they sure as hell know how to please a man. However, the whole time, my eyes were locked on one of them. I just couldn’t look away, it would’ve been a sin to ignore such beauty. His/her cute beady little dark eyes. His/her gorgeous dyed-blonde hair. I swore to myself, I would never let him/her go.
So right then and there I said, “Kishwa, will you marry me? I’ll bring you back to the States with me. Start you a new life. I know you done made plenty of wrong turns in your path, but it’s okay now. I don’t need to hear about ‘em. You did what you had to do, and I understand that. But I want to take you away from all this. I’ll treat ya real special-like. Make you the happiest goddamn ladyboy on this earth. Whaddaya say Kishwa?” It looked like she was noddin’ her head yes, although she could’ve just been enjoying the ride. Either way, I packed her up in my suitcase and got the fuck out of Korea, man. Got on the next goddamn flight home.
We arrived back home, picked up the boys, introduced Kishwa to my brother. They had their girl-talk, what have you. I explained to the boys that Kishwa was now #2 in command at the house, but they’re great boys they understood. And things were good. Real good. For at least, 2 weeks. But then, I’ll admit, I had a lot of stress going on at the workplace. I guess it was just too much. I couldn’t handle it. I started smacking Kishwa around. It made me feel like a big man. I do regret putting my hands on Kishwa in that manner. I do. Honest to god. But I never laid a hand on those boys.
Anyway, there were several domestic disturbance calls placed to the police regarding me, made by Kishwa. So there was a court ordered restraining order put in place. And Kishwa got custody of the kids, despite being an illegal immigrant, to my dismay. Because I’ll admit I had several prior convictions, for child molestation, and vandalism, and public beastility. But man it’s bullshit I don’t even get to see my damn kids, I don’t even get weekends with ‘em, Nothin’! And they livin’ in my house! Gets me real steamed up to talk about. And not a day goes by where I don’t think about Kishwa, and that beautiful dyed-blonde hair.
Oh yeah stay away from zucchinis or something like that, I don’t remember where I was going with that.
Self Evaluation
I am not made to be taken seriously. I am not made to be profound or all-knowing.
I fall asleep while I’m driving, several times a week. I drink beer all the fucking time. I listen to ten minute voicemails of a phone that accidently called me from somebody’s bag all the way through. I enjoy making prank phone calls even when no one else finds it funny. I say “nigga” to both my mom and my girlfriend, neither of which are black. I say “nigga” to my black friend Kevin, who IS black. I refer to Kevin as ‘my black friend Kevin.’ I wear sunglasses inside. I say rude things to people. Me and my friend are still kinda banking on being famous. I do not fulfill my potential in anything I do. I say ridiculous things like referring to myself as “King of the Ting.” I try to make people around me feel uncomfortable. I like to speak of nonsensical situations and things, and I hate people who don’t go along with it. I bring up Ladyboys at inappropriate times. I ignore people. I set fires at work. I leave all work to be done to the very last minute. I do not take initiative. I take nothing seriously. I’m a moment away from a nervous breakdown at any given time, which is why I take nothing seriously. And I’m about to get drunk and watch Real Ghetto Fights Caught On Tape 3, the bootleg.
I’m alright with that, fuck it man I don’t care just leave me alone. Its cool.
I fall asleep while I’m driving, several times a week. I drink beer all the fucking time. I listen to ten minute voicemails of a phone that accidently called me from somebody’s bag all the way through. I enjoy making prank phone calls even when no one else finds it funny. I say “nigga” to both my mom and my girlfriend, neither of which are black. I say “nigga” to my black friend Kevin, who IS black. I refer to Kevin as ‘my black friend Kevin.’ I wear sunglasses inside. I say rude things to people. Me and my friend are still kinda banking on being famous. I do not fulfill my potential in anything I do. I say ridiculous things like referring to myself as “King of the Ting.” I try to make people around me feel uncomfortable. I like to speak of nonsensical situations and things, and I hate people who don’t go along with it. I bring up Ladyboys at inappropriate times. I ignore people. I set fires at work. I leave all work to be done to the very last minute. I do not take initiative. I take nothing seriously. I’m a moment away from a nervous breakdown at any given time, which is why I take nothing seriously. And I’m about to get drunk and watch Real Ghetto Fights Caught On Tape 3, the bootleg.
I’m alright with that, fuck it man I don’t care just leave me alone. Its cool.
Friday, November 6, 2009
wednesdays
Drivinggggg on the southern state parkwayyyy,
It's 4:15 PM and the place is packed with caaars of all types,
All sorts of retard drivers, switching between the left and middle lanes,
As if it matters,
The whole place is clogged up anyway it doesnt matter where you're attt.
Been up since seven in the morningggg had class all damn dayyyy
Now I gotta go straight to work maybe I'll be there by fiiiive.
Gonna be there til 1030 maybe elevennnn.
Sooooo tired....
And I'm startingggg to nod offfff.....
HONKKKK!!!
Oh shit!
Wow I fell asleep there for a second damn.
Gotta blast the radio or somethin',
That could be dangerous.
Keep tappin' my kneeees.
Blinking and widening my eyes.
Open the windowwwws.
Maybe that could do ittttt.
Yeah i think its working alreadyyyy.
Yeahhhh I'm gonnna be fiiiiiiiine....
SMASHHH
off road right into a tree.
God damnnn!
I should call for some helppp.
But I'm just soo damnnnn tiredddd.
Maybe I'll just nap hereeee for another minute or two.
It's 4:15 PM and the place is packed with caaars of all types,
All sorts of retard drivers, switching between the left and middle lanes,
As if it matters,
The whole place is clogged up anyway it doesnt matter where you're attt.
Been up since seven in the morningggg had class all damn dayyyy
Now I gotta go straight to work maybe I'll be there by fiiiive.
Gonna be there til 1030 maybe elevennnn.
Sooooo tired....
And I'm startingggg to nod offfff.....
HONKKKK!!!
Oh shit!
Wow I fell asleep there for a second damn.
Gotta blast the radio or somethin',
That could be dangerous.
Keep tappin' my kneeees.
Blinking and widening my eyes.
Open the windowwwws.
Maybe that could do ittttt.
Yeah i think its working alreadyyyy.
Yeahhhh I'm gonnna be fiiiiiiiine....
SMASHHH
off road right into a tree.
God damnnn!
I should call for some helppp.
But I'm just soo damnnnn tiredddd.
Maybe I'll just nap hereeee for another minute or two.
what a strange word
words
they're just
words
they're just words
just words
they're
just words there
words
they're just words
words there
they're
there
their words
our words
they're just words
there there
words there
they're just their words
their words there
your words here
they're just your words
your just words
your just their's
there your just
your just words
just your words
you're words
your words there
they're yours
just yours
words
there
yours
you're there
words everywhere
words
just words
it's all
words
your
just words
there are no just words
just is just a word
words
words are not just
they're just words
it's all
just
words.
they're just
words
they're just words
just words
they're
just words there
words
they're just words
words there
they're
there
their words
our words
they're just words
there there
words there
they're just their words
their words there
your words here
they're just your words
your just words
your just their's
there your just
your just words
just your words
you're words
your words there
they're yours
just yours
words
there
yours
you're there
words everywhere
words
just words
it's all
words
your
just words
there are no just words
just is just a word
words
words are not just
they're just words
it's all
just
words.
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