Ladyfinger

Did I ever tell you bout that girl with the nice fingers?
Yeah I fucked her.
Only for about a minute though.
She didn’t enjoy it,
I didn’t really either.
But I did it.
I finished too.
Yeah she never called me again.
Fine with me I don’t give a fuck.
I never said I was any good at fucking.
Well okay I did tell her that.
Which is probably why she looked at me in horror when I told her I had came already that quickly.
Then she stormed out, breaking a bunch of shit on her way to the door.
And it was her fuckin’ house!
That’s the weird thing.
Well I don’t care.
I took a nap right there.
When I awoke, there was a huge man standing over me.
Finger-girl was screaming that I was her abusive ex-boyfriend,
And that I refused to leave.
I didn’t really know what the fuck to say.
But this guy picked me up and literally carried me outside.
He then beat my face in with my own fist.
Smacked my mouth against the curb,
Then left me out there to die.
But I probably got that guy laid.
And Ladyfinger over there laid again, as well.
So like I said I don’t give a fuck,
Everybody’s got their own place in the universe.
Just gotta accept it.
‘Least I got laid.
(takes a sip of beer)